Appetizer

"Easy" Blooming Onions with Honey Mustard Dipping Sauce

I’m about to give you yet another delicious, healthy recipe. Why? Because I am such a giving and lovely person, that’s why. And I feel that deep within your heart, you probably already knew that to be true. So, I’m probably just doing a little bit of repeating myself right there. But you know what? That’s okay. Cause it’s good to be reminded sometimes.

This recipe is so delicious and way easier than you would ever dream it to be. Plus, it is a great appetizer for a BBQ or random get-together because it takes about 5 minutes to prep. Maybe.

So, in those times when people are all like, "Surprise, I'm coming to your house in .5 seconds!" And you're all caught off guard and stuff, now you'll have an easy little appetizer to serve.

Anyways, get your life together and make these beautiful little flower blossoms of onions.

Roasted Blooming Onions

1-2 Large Onions (Red or Yellow)

Extra-Virgin Olive Oil

Italian Seasoning, Garlic Powder, Rubbed Sage

Salt & Pepper, to taste

Panko Crumbs (or regular Bread Crumbs)

Now, this sounds like it could be super-complicated but it’s really super-not. Start by slicing the top of the onion off, just enough to get the dry “stem” part off. Set it on a flat surface with the roots facing the roof (roots-to-roof, that's fun) and make four cuts going into the center of the onion. Imagine the onion like a clock, make a cut at 12, 3, 6, and 9. These slices will be your “base.” Then, rotate the onion, doing the same thing until you have about ¼ inch strips.

If you’re better with visuals, click this link. It’s super easy, especially since there are pictures.

Flip the onion over so that the “cut” side is up. Drizzle olive oil so that it gets just a little bit everywhere and wrap the whole thing tightly with foil. Roast for about 15 minutes at 375 degrees and move to the next step.

Unwrap the onions and they should “fall” slightly to start looking like the beautiful flowers that they are. If not, don’t be afraid to get in there and loosen things up a bit. Sprinkle Salt & Pepper, Garlic, Italian Seasoning, and Sage (or any seasonings you feel so inclined to use) all over the “blossoms,” followed by Panko or Regular Bread Crumbs.

Place them back in the oven (this time at 400 degrees), unwrapped and open until they just begin to lightly crisp. About another 15-20 minutes.

While that is happening, work on your honey mustard dip.

Honey Mustard

1 Cup Mayonnaise

Spicy Brown (or Dijon) Mustard, to taste

1 Tablespoon Honey

½ Lemon, juiced

1 Teaspoon Garlic Powder

Salt & Pepper, to taste

Combine all the ingredients in a blender and whirl away until smooth. Or whip it together with a whisk and your hand like the Pilgrim's used to make their honey mustard.

Give it a little taste test and feel free to adjust as necessary. Some people like less mustard and that makes them bad people. But whatever. Some people like more mayonnaise and that definitely makes them bad people. But again, whatever.

However, you're going to want to save this little recipe though because it's delicious. And because if at any point in your life, you or someone around you eats one or more chicken nuggets, you're going to want it. Hard.

Serve with the roasted onions and dip with wild abandon!

Zucchini Bruschetta

My favorite thing about life is probably food. Definitely food. Especially fancy food. Even more, I love when you can make fancy food yourself. And if we’re going to go even further, I REALLY love when said "fancy food” is super easy to make and takes about .5 seconds.

Zucchini Bruschetta
Zucchini Bruschetta

Bruschetta is just so delicious and whenever you make this for your friends, everyone will see how un-basic you are. Because of your refined tastes and skillful culinary talents.

Zucchini Bruschetta

6-8 Campari Tomatoes

1 Zucchini, diced

¼ Cup Purple Onion, finely diced

½ Tablespoon Fresh Basil, minced

½ Tablespoon Fresh Italian Parsley, chopped

2 Tablespoons Extra-Virgin Olive Oil

Salt & Pepper, to taste

Rinse and roughly chop the tomatoes into bite-size pieces. If you cannot find Campari Tomatoes at your local grocery store, Roma Tomatoes will do just fine. Personally, I have recently discovered the magical taste of Campari's and I just want everyone to know.

Combine the rest of the ingredients with the tomatoes. If you do not have access to fresh herbs, about 1 Teaspoon of Italian Seasoning will get you by.

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Give your Bruschetta a quick taste test and add more EVOO, Salt & Pepper, if needed.

Chill in the fridge for about an hour and serve with crostini or toast.

However, be sure and grab a bite ASAP because it probably won’t last long. And if you're thinking, "I can probably just get one back of crostini toast because that will be enough." Go ahead and slap yourself for being stupid.

You’re welcome!

Fifty Shades of Mac N' Cheese

Aren’t you sick of eating the same old Mac N’ Cheese? No? Me neither.

I love that crap. Doesn’t matter if it is gourmet or cheese dust out of a blue box, if someone makes Mac N' Cheese I will definitely be having fourths.

Don’t even lie. It’s just me, you, and your monitor. We all know the truth. Nod your head in agreement.

I love this recipe because of cheese and everything else in it. It’s delicious and oh so good.

I actually made it for my friends the other day and was trying to think of a clever, witty name. I really wanted something that clearly notified you that this is not your mom's Mac N' Cheese and you're probably not going to see it at your next church potluck. Not that it's not heavenly, cause let's get real. It is. That’s when my dear, goddess of a friend Tricia said, "Fifty Shades of Mac N’ Cheese."

And thus, she is my friend. Because that’s perfect.

Fifty Shades of Mac n' Cheese

Fifty Shades of Mac N’ Cheese

1 Large Package Shell Noodles, cooked al dente

2 tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil

4-5 Baby Portobello Mushrooms, finely chopped

1 Tablespoon Flour

½ Pint Heavy Whipping Cream

6 oz. Fresh Goat Cheese

2 Cups Sharp Cheddar Cheese, shredded

Small Can Sliced Pimentos, drained

Black Pepper, Garlic Powder, Italian Seasoning, to taste

Sautee the mushrooms and olive oil in a medium sauce pan until they become tender. Add the flour and stir well until it cooks down. This gives it a nice, rich creamy flavor. Raise your hand if you don’t love that.

(Notice no hands being raised)

Once the flour is well combined and cooked out, pour in the cream and continue stirring. Over medium heat, add the cheeses, pimentos and seasonings. Once the cheese is melted down and the mixture is smooth as a little baby’s hiney-bow, combine it with your cooked noodles.

If you’re making this ahead of time (which works perfect), pour the mac n’ cheese into a covered casserole dish and bake until the cheese bubbles, about 20 minutes at 350.

I hope you enjoy this sinfully delicious gluttony!

 

Italian Mashed Cauliflower

I’m going to be honest with you. Because this is a place of honesty. We’ve created a place of honesty together, here. Well, not together. I’ve done all the work. You’ve just read, chuckled at my abundant hilarity and maybe made a few awesome dishes. Lazy.

I take it back. You’re not lazy. You are exactly who the higher power that you serve wants you to be.

Back to my honesty. I was real skeptical about doing anything somewhat creative with cauliflower. It’s not that I don’t like cauliflower, it’s just that…who really LOVES cauliflower? I mean, come on. If you can find me 5 people that would list Cauliflower as their number one favorite veg, I will give you all of the money in my pocket.

Trick challenge. I don’t carry cash. BOOM. Either way, you lose.

Well, being the crafty, selfish person that I am, I made this recipe in a way that I knew I would like. So, if you’re picky and one of the (literally) other millions of people who don’t LOVE cauliflower, try this recipe. You’ll like it and then you’ll want to kiss me.

But don’t. Because I don’t want your nasty germs.

Italian Mashed Cauliflower

Italian Mashed Cauliflower

1 Large Head of Cauliflower

Salt & Olive Oil

1 Cup Shredded Italian Cheese

½ Stick of Butter

2-3 Garlic Cloves, Roasted and Smashed

Fresh Rosemary, minced

Parsley, to taste

I don’t know how healthy my version is and I don’t care. I’m subbing cauliflower for potatoes and I feel that is above and beyond.

Slice the “florets” off of the cauliflower and try to keep them in “bite-size” pieces. In a large pot, add cold water with salt and a little splash of olive oil. If you start it with hot water, it will boil faster but the cauliflower will not cook as evenly. It is the same with potatoes. You’re welcome.

Bring the pot to a boil and let it go for about 20 minutes. You need the cauliflower to get kind of soft, so watch it often.

Drain the pot of as much water as you can and add all of your tasty ingredients. At this point, I usually reuse the pot I used to boil them and cover it so the butter can met. That’s just me and my resourceful intelligence.

Using a hand mixer, mix that mess right on up! It’s so delicious and you might feel just a teensy bit better than eating your weight in mashed potatoes. But that’s just me. I don’t know your life.