Southern Paleo Shepherd's Pie

Southern Paleo Shepherd's Pie

You know how sometimes you want to eat healthy and an idea strikes and you decide to go for it but you have like 7 out of 10 ingredients needed but you’re already in your sweats and you’re "tits-deep" in snacks & Netflix?

Well, that’s EXACTLY how this recipe came to fruition. It was dangerously close to just being labeled “half-way successful accident,” but after eating several helpings and packing it for 3 days of lunches, I definitely re-labeled this recipe a resounding success.

It is about 99.9% Paleo and definitely Whole30 approved (if you’re into either of those mildly obnoxious lifestyle choices). But more importantly, it’s Remington’s Belly Approved. And that’s an approval that’s recognized by the Geneva Convention.

Actually, that’s a lie. I can’t lie to you. I love you too much to lie to you.

So, while it does benefit from a little forethought/planning, this recipe is TOTALLY worth your time. Enjoy!

Rosemary & Cranberry Moscow Mule

You know what really sucks a toe? Going back to work after a lovely Christmas. That’s what really sucks a big, stinky toe. Especially when your Christmas holiday was filled with joy, calories, giggles, and lovely cocktails. Heavy emphasis on the latter.

I don’t know about you but, I know that I’m probably the only active Christmas participant who looks forward to trying/crafting new recipes for special occasions. Especially around the holidays as it is always my personal goal to have someone say, “WOW REMINGTON YOU REALLY IMPRESSED MY TASTEBUDS WITH YOUR MAGIC CULINARY SKILLZ N THINGZ.”

Related: I’m currently reading a book that talks about our “metrics” by which we judge our happiness…well, that’s mine. Count it all joy….when people think you’re awesome.

Not that I don’t get these types of compliments CONSTANTLY, because I don’t, but this recipe did receive a similar accolade. Probably without the caps-lock, though.  Think more along the lines of, “slight nod of the head and smirk of approval.”

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Rosemary & Cranberry Moscow Mule

1 Sprig Fresh Rosemary

½ Ounce Cranberry Juice (not cranberry cocktail)

1 Ounce Tito's Vodka

Ginger Beer, to taste

Cranberries for Garnish, optional

In the bottom of your copper cup or rocks glass, muddle the rosemary and vodka rigorously. Don’t go "Hulk-Smash" on it, but go hard enough to break the rosemary leaves so the flavor gets nice and released.

Add cranberry juice and adjust the ratio to your liking but, whatever you do, do not use cranberry cocktail. That stuff is science juice and will give you cancer. Probably not but, I’m not convinced otherwise.

Top with Ginger Beer, ice and a few Cranberries for garnish and enjoy!

This is a PERFECT themed-drink for the holidays but also, year round. So get at ‘em, lay-deez!

Coconut Water Cocktail

Allow me to pose a small query: In life, what is better than a refreshing, ice-cold Coconut Water on a hot, sticky day that causes you to sweat in places you didn’t know you could sweat?

You may be tempted to say, “Why, literally nothing, Remington! NOTHING is better than a refreshing, ice-cold Coconut Water on a hot, sticky day that causes me to sweat in places I didn’t know I could sweat!”

But, you would be wrong. Actually, you’re wrong a lot. But that’s okay. That’s why you’re here. And that's why I'm here. I’m your Culinary Sherpa, guiding you through the Himalayas of your kitchen.

If someone could get that embroidered on an apron for me, I’d soops appreciate it. THX.

Back to the answer you’re now dying to know: Coconut Water WITH vodka! That’s right. I said it. That’s legally the only thing better. Legally. So, you know it’s true because it’s legal.

And just so you're convinced, remember when you were in college and you thought it was such a smart idea to add McCormick’s Vodka to Gatorade? You would say, “It’s delicious AND it’s hydrating me with electrolytes, OMG I’m so smart.” Well, you weren’t. That was actually really stupid. But this isn’t. You’re welcome.

Also, stop buying McCormick’s, Josie-Grossy. It's the nineties.

Coconut Water Cocktail

Coconut Water Cocktail

C2O Coconut Water

1 Ounce Tito’s Vodka

¼ Cup Chopped Pineapple

In a pint glass, muddle the pineapple with a shot of vodka. You can use a different fruit or vodka other than Tito's but, don’t be surprised if it sucks and all your friends unfollow you on Instagram. I don’t make the rules.

Top off with Coconut Water (Preferably C2O Brand because reference the sentence 2 lines back) and mix. Mix it right, mix it good just like you should. No one wants all the vodka in one sip. Unless you do. Then, koo-doze for you.

Enjoy responsibly, FOLKS!

 

 

Balsamic Marinated Portobello Mushrooms

I’M BAAAAAAACKKK!!!!

I bet you thought you were rid of me, didn’t you? You probably thought to yourself several times over the past few months, “My inbox has been so much less obnoxious without those foolish emails of ridiculous recipes! Praise Yeezus!”

Well, you’re rude and I hate you and Yeezus isn’t a real person/place/thing. And right after I learn exactly what cyber-bullying is, I’m going to do it to all of your social media accounts.

Anywazzzzzze, I have been soops biz (that’s how the “cool kids” say super busy now) cooking up some new recipes and fun ideas. Not to mention, I’ve obviously learned some neat new lingo that makes me much cooler as a person.

So, come along, won’t you? Won't you join me on this exciting journey?

*Extends Arms with Warm, Non-Creepy, Open Mouth Smile* 

This recipe is something I’ve spent several attempts at perfecting. And let me tell you:

I.

Done.

Did.

It.

This is now my go-to, absolute favorite marinade in general. You can use it for ANYTHING and it is oh-so delicious. You can even use it as a salad dressing.

THAT’S RIGHT.

Today I’m going to show you how to use it with mushrooms but, remember what I said two sentences earlier. You can use this same marinade on anything. Don’t be dumb. Use it on anything. And everything. Stop asking questions.

Balsamic Marinated Portobello Mushrooms

Balsamic Marinated Portobello Mushrooms

1 Cup Extra-Virgin Olive Oil

¼ Cup Balsamic Vinegar

Juice of ½ Lemon

2-4 Cloves of Fresh Garlic

1 Tablespoon Herbs de Provence(Or Italian Seasoning)

2 Teaspoons Smoked Paprika, approximately

2 Sprigs Fresh Rosemary

Fresh Cracked Salt & Pepper, to taste

Honey, to taste

2-3 Bay Leaves

Combine all of your ingredients (sans the mushrooms and bay leaves, obviously) in a blender and pulse until completely smooth and inter-mingled, at least 30 seconds-1 minute.

**A little trick I have learned is that oil and vinegar do not separate when blended. You heard here first (or not first at all because you already knew that), gang.

If you don’t have access to a blender or it’s in the back of your pantry buried by canned goods from the 1960’s, feel free to use a jar or plastic bag. You choose your journey.

Make sure to taste-test the marinade and adjust the honey/salt as needed. If you don’t have enough salty-sweetness, your life is going to be severely incomplete.

Pour the marinade over (washed & dried) Portobello mushrooms and toss in your bay leaves. Let them chill (preferably an hour or so) until you’re ready to cook.

**I’ve also recently discovered my real, lasting love for bay leaves. It’s magical. It’s deep. It’s real.

Whenever you’re ready to party, grill or sear the mushrooms on each side for about 5-7 minutes on medium-high heat. They’ll get tender, juicy and delicious you’ll want to slap an infant.

But don’t.

I hope you enjoy!

Chicken-Stuffed Acorn Squash

Gang, I’m back!

It’s no secret that I’ve been on a slight sabbatical. Actually, I’m sure you noticed because you’re probably just itching for my emails and witty jokes.

So, for that, I am truly sorry. I’ll try to pack this post with as many clever quips as I possibly can. If I fail you, it’s probably your fault and not mine. Therapy will probably be the next option.

ANYWAY, now that we’re done diagnosing your problems with not laughing hard enough at my humor, it’s time to start this year off right. Three months later. Leave your judgment with your Jewish mother where it belongs.

This has easily become one of my go-to recipes for healthy, fast cooking. It is so delicious and easy, super-filling and will make you feel so paleo, it’s unreal. You might even be tempted to live in a cave for a while, but don't. That would be weird and everyone would judge you. Not just your Jewish mother.

Chicken Stuffed Acorn Squash

Chicken-Stuffed Acorn Squash

1 Acorn Squash, halved

2 Chicken Breasts, cubed

½ Purple Onion

Baby Portobello Mushrooms

1 Bell Pepper

1 Cup Chopped Broccoli

2 Roma Tomatoes

2-3 Cloves Garlic, minced

Extra-Virgin Olive Oil

Balsamic Vinegar

Salt & Pepper

Paprika

Garlic Powder

Start by scooping out the seeds from the acorn squash and coat the inside with olive oil and season with salt, pepper, garlic powder and paprika. Lay face down on a cookie sheet and roast at 400 degrees until tender. Probably about 20-30 minutes. When in doubt, test it with a fork. If you stab the inside and it flakes up a bit, it’s ready to party.

Season the chicken all over with salt, pepper, paprika (to taste) and cook over medium high heat with a little Olive or Coconut Oil. When the chicken is about 5 minutes from being done, toss in all your chopped veggies (besides the tomatoes) and cook until they are tender.

Add about 2 Tablespoons of Balsamic Vinegar and your tomatoes and let it reduce for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

When you’re satisfied with your saute of deliciousness, scoop it out into your acorn scquash halves. If you don’t care about who is judging or their life-opinions, top it with a little parmesan cheese. Why? Cause YOLO and stuff.

Enjoy!