Balsamic Marinated Portobello Mushrooms


I bet you thought you were rid of me, didn’t you? You probably thought to yourself several times over the past few months, “My inbox has been so much less obnoxious without those foolish emails of ridiculous recipes! Praise Yeezus!”

Well, you’re rude and I hate you and Yeezus isn’t a real person/place/thing. And right after I learn exactly what cyber-bullying is, I’m going to do it to all of your social media accounts.

Anywazzzzzze, I have been soops biz (that’s how the “cool kids” say super busy now) cooking up some new recipes and fun ideas. Not to mention, I’ve obviously learned some neat new lingo that makes me much cooler as a person.

So, come along, won’t you? Won't you join me on this exciting journey?

*Extends Arms with Warm, Non-Creepy, Open Mouth Smile* 

This recipe is something I’ve spent several attempts at perfecting. And let me tell you:





This is now my go-to, absolute favorite marinade in general. You can use it for ANYTHING and it is oh-so delicious. You can even use it as a salad dressing.


Today I’m going to show you how to use it with mushrooms but, remember what I said two sentences earlier. You can use this same marinade on anything. Don’t be dumb. Use it on anything. And everything. Stop asking questions.

Balsamic Marinated Portobello Mushrooms

Balsamic Marinated Portobello Mushrooms

1 Cup Extra-Virgin Olive Oil

¼ Cup Balsamic Vinegar

Juice of ½ Lemon

2-4 Cloves of Fresh Garlic

1 Tablespoon Herbs de Provence(Or Italian Seasoning)

2 Teaspoons Smoked Paprika, approximately

2 Sprigs Fresh Rosemary

Fresh Cracked Salt & Pepper, to taste

Honey, to taste

2-3 Bay Leaves

Combine all of your ingredients (sans the mushrooms and bay leaves, obviously) in a blender and pulse until completely smooth and inter-mingled, at least 30 seconds-1 minute.

**A little trick I have learned is that oil and vinegar do not separate when blended. You heard here first (or not first at all because you already knew that), gang.

If you don’t have access to a blender or it’s in the back of your pantry buried by canned goods from the 1960’s, feel free to use a jar or plastic bag. You choose your journey.

Make sure to taste-test the marinade and adjust the honey/salt as needed. If you don’t have enough salty-sweetness, your life is going to be severely incomplete.

Pour the marinade over (washed & dried) Portobello mushrooms and toss in your bay leaves. Let them chill (preferably an hour or so) until you’re ready to cook.

**I’ve also recently discovered my real, lasting love for bay leaves. It’s magical. It’s deep. It’s real.

Whenever you’re ready to party, grill or sear the mushrooms on each side for about 5-7 minutes on medium-high heat. They’ll get tender, juicy and delicious you’ll want to slap an infant.

But don’t.

I hope you enjoy!