So, there’s this thing in life called chocolate cake. It is scientifically proven to fix girl problems, anger issues, boy problems, neighbor problems….pretty much any problem can be solved with chocolate. Unless it’s with a dog. Don’t feed your dog chocolate. Also, that first part is absolutely based on fiction and my desire to be funny. Not fact.
The dog part’s real, though. Don’t test it. I used to always think I’d choose to be a dog if I had to be an animal. Until I learned they couldn’t have chocolate.
And every once in a while, a girl needs chocolate. I think I read that somewhere…..in my journal.
Well, after trying several concoctions, I found the perfect recipe for chocolate cake.
I did the leg work for you. It’s ok. You don’t have to thank me.
I’m a nice person.
This cake is so moist and delicious and the frosting is practically impossible to “fudge” up. That’s right. I punned. You’re welcome for that one.
As well as this cake recipe. Try it and then thank me. With a piece of cake.
Chocolaty-Chocolate Fudge Cake
2 Cups Granulated Sugar
2 Cups Flour
2 Tablespoons Cornstarch
¾ Cup Cocoa or Dark Cocoa
2 Teaspoons Baking Powder
2 Teaspoons Espresso Powder
1 Teaspoon Salt
¾ Cup Vegetable Oil
1¼ Cups Water
2 Teaspoons Vanilla
Before you get started with your mixing magic, get out two round cake pans to spray and dust. This is not a new technique but I learned that when making a chocolate cake, coat the pan evenly with non-stick spray and then dust it really well with cocoa powder. This will make sure the cake doesn’t come out of the pan looking weird and kind of white with flour dust. Cause let’s be real here, frosting works a lot of magic in life but asking a lot of your magic frosting.
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
In your nifty stand mixer, combine all your dry ingredients well. While your mixer is trucking away doing all the work, slowly add your Vegetable Oil and then Water. Add one Egg at a time, letting your batter get all sexy. And finally, add your Vanilla. Turn your mixer up to just about medium speed and let your batter get real friendly in there. Make sure and scrape the sides of the bowl, too. You don’t want any of your deliciousness feeling left out.
Once your batter looks like a commercial for Dove Chocolate, split it as evenly as you can into your pre-prepared pans and bake for about 35 minutes (for an 8” pan). I’ve also used this recipe on 9” pans and it took about 30 minutes but just make sure it will pass the “toothpick test.” That’s my trusty trick.
Once they are done with their bonding time in the oven, let them cool in the pans for about 15 minutes. Remove them from the pans and let them cool eve more on a wire rack. If you’re like me and you are incredi-impatient, place them in the freezer. Because let’s be real again, waiting on chocolate cake should be a form of cruel and unusual punishment that we implement to terrorists.
20 Ounces Semisweet or Sweetened-Dark Chocolate Chips
10 Ounces Heavy Cream
While you’re learning the true meaning of patience by waiting for your cakes to cool, go ahead and mix up your frosting. It will make you feel a little better.
Combing your heavy cream and your chocolate chips of choice in a large microwave bowl. Microwave for about 30 seconds at a time, stirring in between, until it is as velvety as Edward Cullen’s bed would be if he needed a bed but he doesn’t because he’s a vampire and he doesn’t sleep or write run-on sentences At this point, you should probably taste it. That will make you feel like….a lot better.
Retrieve your cakes and dust off any loose crumbs. If you have a baking brush, you can use it to make the edges really smooth. It will rub off all the loose crumbs and help you frost a perfect cake. Just a little trick.
YA HEARD IT HERE, FOLKS!
Place your first cake on a serving dish and smooth a little of the frosting on top. If you do too much, the top layer will slip around. I usually do a moderately thin layer but enough to know that you’re gonna REALLY enjoy licking your plate.
Put on your top layer and pour a generous amount of your frosting on top. At this point, I have found it to be really helpful to be able to turn your plate as you frost. If you can stabilize your frosting utensil as you turn your plate, watching the frosting slip so seductively down the side….it’s going to make you feel like you’re in a romance novel found in the front of the grocery store. The one that has the guy with the 12 sets of abs on the front. You know which one I’m talking about, ladies.
Once you’re done, judge your level of fanciness. If you feel like you’d rather kick a child in the shin than waste any more time, I will not stand in your way. If you have some strawberries or raspberries to use as a garnish to make yourself feel fancier, I will also not stand in your way.
You do you, bro.
Just bring me a piece when you’re done.